male_10

Ten Comandments of Male Arousal

1. Stroke his ego before you stroke his libido. And I don't mean ego in the negative
sense that's generally implied. I mean, praise his positive qualities just as you like
yours praised. Make him feel good about who he is. Appreciate him often, and
appreciate him like you would nobody else;

2. Just as you wouldn't want him to only stroke your favourite part, give attention
to all of his body parts, not just his penis. This is particularly true of his scrotum
(balls), perineum (area between balls and anus), anus, nipples, and much more;

3. Although male skin is thicker than female skin and thereby requires greater
pressure for stimulation, do not be too rough with his penis. Men appreciate as
much pressure as a good handshake - not too strong, not too limp;

4. Men like a quick rush into arousal. But when you're actually in the throes of the
act, break the fast and furious myth. The longer you prolong it, bringing him to the
edge but not quite letting him spill over (no pun intended), the stronger his orgasm
will be. In other words, the longer the action, the stronger the reaction. [Hint: The
rise of his testicles should tell you when he's getting close];

5. Fantasies are just as popular with men as they are with women - only with men
they are more about explicit/graphic acts and strong visuals versus entire
scenarios. So if you're going to indulge him with fantasies, do it his way, not yours.
Respecting his goal-oriented nature, take him there as directly as you can;

6. An often unrecognized yet extremely sensitive spot on a man's body is his
prostate, indulged only by anal stimulation (or indirectly through perineum
stimulation). Get comfortable as a couple in stimulating him there (manually or with
specific toys), without reading anything into it. Being a highly sensitive zone (with
numerous nerve endings) and being stimulated by a different nerve, ignoring it
would be like ignoring the hidden parts of your genitals. The nerve which excites
this area (pudendal) is different from the one which works on his penis (pelvic). The
pudendal nerve is far more sensitive than the pelvic nerve since it has a greater
number of sensory fibres. To give you a reference point, in women it is the
pudendal nerve which enervates the clitoris and the G-Spot, and the pelvic nerve
which enervates the vagina;

7. A lot of people get turned off certain acts due to the cleanliness/smell/taste
factor. Take a shower or a bath together instead of avoiding the pleasurable act.
Should that not work (since a lot of tastes and smells have a lot to do with diet,
exercise, degree of hydration, etc.), get a little kinky and drizzle corn syrup on the
body part in question, to add a new flavour and smell. Better yet, get him to cover
the areas he most wants licked, giving you a pleasure map to work with. (This isn't
any different from using deodorant or cologne to counteract other body smells);

8. If he asks you to try something new, feel good about the fact that he is asking
you, since you are an important part of it. If you are not game for the idea he
opened up with you about, make it clear that it's the idea that you are
uncomfortable with, not him. And then, search within yourself for reasons why you
are uncomfortable. It may be your problem, not his. For example, convincing
yourself that he wants you to dress/act like a hooker is a lame excuse. The truth is,
professionals do that because men like it. Learn something from them and be at
least as sensitive to his needs - but only after you change your attitude. If you
don't, it will show, and not feel very good for either one of you. Nothing about sex
should feel unpleasant to you. Beyond that, be as unselfish as you can. Indulging a
lover with what feels good for them is the most loving act you can perform;

9. Oral sex is one of the most pleasurable things for men (just as it is for women),
since the mouth has greater control and flexibility than just about any other body
part. Furthermore, putting the mouth close to phermonal intensity makes instinctual
sense - hence animals sniff and lick the genitals to check for arousal. Learn to get
good at it. Lick the underside of the penile head, do curvy moves with your tongue
as it travels up and down the shaft, create strong suction with your lips, move your
head from side to side, all the while covering your teeth. Maintain a rhythm, gain
speed as you go along, and never stop the movement. Let your free hands stroke
his balls and perineum, apply anal pressure, or do whatever else has him moaning;

10. Sex has two parts to it: The physical and the mental. At a physical level it is the
most pleasurable thing possible, hence procreation depends upon it. Ditch any
negative feelings toward what feels good and enjoy it like it was meant to be
enjoyed. At a mental level we can make it far more interesting than a mere
physical touch. Engage your mind in making it as unlimited as imagination and
you'll be able to connect oh-so-exquisitely and completely.

Rebecca Rosenblat, sex therapist/advice columnist/published author, is Toronto's
hottest offering to the relationship and sexuality scene. Known for her to-the-point
teaching and entertaining delivery, Rebecca gives her audiences what they crave,
through her books, seminars, interviews, and advice columns.