30s and Single

Mid 30s and Single - Things To Consider

by Heather Jaillett

It doesn't matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What does
matter, however, is that you have certain priorities in order so that you can
protect yourself and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many
reasons to list on why you're on the market at this stage in your life, but you
should be clear on your goals, both long and short-term. You don't want to
be led on or trapped into something you didn't want in the first place.

The very first things you need to consider are your short and long-term
relationship goals. If you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you
definitely don't want to be dating someone who is determined to settle down
and start a family. Age is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may
be looking for a good time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can
be fun in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you
may want to look elsewhere.

There are a lot of things to consider when dating either above or below your
age bracket. If you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt
because they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience.
Twenty-somethings are often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and
are still forming their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may
not want them. If you get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to
discuss each other's views on children.

On the other hand, if you date someone much older than you there are
some problems to be aware of as well. Older people tend to have already
decided what they want out of life, and generally are not too excited to
change course. If you really want to settle down, don't go chasing after the
man or woman who has no intention of a long-term relationship. Also, there
are certain generation gaps that have to be considered. Your older lover
may not appreciate going to see your favorite rock group in concert. With
consideration and understanding, however, many obstacles of dating older
and younger people can be overcome.

Another thing to consider is your financial position. Have you dedicated the
last ten years to getting ahead in your career and the rewards that come
with that? Are you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce? You will
have to decide what is important depending on the person you are dating.
Even people who aren't married have had their lover run off with the bank
account. Protect yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of an attorney
before you propose or accept a proposal.

Finally, if you have children you need to consider the type of people that are
entering your life. Do you want to bring any and all of your dates to meet
them, or are you going to wait for someone fairly serious? You also have to
try to uphold the values that you want your children to follow in their lives.
You are a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an
impression on your children.

In short, be smart about what you are doing. Don't leave yourself open to
be taken advantage of. Most of all, though, have fun and good luck in
pursuing your romantic endeavors.

Heather Jaillett is a freelance writer from Washington State. After extensive
dating she finally found her soul mate. She still advises many on dating
solutions, and is constantly researching relationships and romance. Exploring
ways to add romance to electronic communication is also another pursuit
she enjoys.